I flamed out this week in hot yoga, and hardly went; looking back, I regret not PUSHING myself harder to go. It was a stressful week and I did not cope with the stress very well.  Do you suppose I might have dealt with the stress better if I’d gone to hot yoga?  I really …
" /> Jason Holborn | Cybercarnet/Weblog - Hot Yoga, Week 19

Hot Yoga, Week 19

I flamed out this week in hot yoga, and hardly went; looking back, I regret not PUSHING myself harder to go.

It was a stressful week and I did not cope with the stress very well.  Do you suppose I might have dealt with the stress better if I’d gone to hot yoga?  I really suspect I might have. 

Writing this, I do realize that I would feel prouder today about having attended classes all week despite the stress; I’d feel pretty “into yoga”.

It was a rough week.  I’ve stored a friend’s stuff and his dog here for seven months; now, he’s found a new place.  Looking back, I think I was over-excited about having my place back and got really happy thinking about moving things around.  I’ve really tried to purge many of my own things in the last weeks, and was keen to see all the space.

My friend’s mom offered to drive to Toronto and handle the move.

I didn’t want her to.  I was deeply convinced she would not show up, leave us stranded, and then, call to apologize five hours later. 

Then, we’d need a few days to organize a short-notice truck rental around my schedule and I just really wanted all the stuff to be gone.

I should have declined her help and booked a van weeks before. 

The move was simple and should have taken three or four hours; perhaps five hours if traffic were to be very difficult.

Somehow, some way, she managed to make this brief move of a twin bed, a closet (admittedly, tightly packed and miscellaneous, yet a small closet, and easily the biggest “challenge” of the move), and five small tables stretch out into a whole day, and then, it was two days.  Then, on the third day, she just quit.  On the fourth day – yes, the fourth day – I booked a van to come by on the evening of the fifth day.

She pulled an “angry roommate”-type of move, leaving my place in a big mess with absolutely zero effort made to tidy up at all.

It was really depressing. 

WHY?!

Well, my cat was killed mid-week, however even before then, I’d skipped yoga class.  I was really burned out from giving to these people and very keen to have the place back.  My expectations were not met; I  was frustrated and didn’t know when to expect an ending.  The inconsideration and indifference really got to me.

After the first day, I avoided my place and took a stack of books out to a coffeeshop. 

It’s funny to say, as I never saw the woman face to face on this trip, but I actually felt “violated” by her.  It’s simple to imagine her mocking my apartment and things; that’s sort of what she does.  She was making a big mess in my place and on more than one single mid-afternoon.  The apartment didn’t even feel like mine this week; I actually sat up from a book in mid-week and reflected that a part of me felt “homeless”, and actually wondered if I’d have to move to feel good about sleeping and eating again.

This person plays a lot of games and I let their games get to me.

I wish someone had pushed me to hot yoga this week – I today have a hint or suspicion that I may have better mentally dealt with those games if I’d hit the matt.  Next time this happens, this entry may make me be the change I wish to see: someone who pushes me to go despite the stress.

Que la Force soit avec moi!