Canada is one of the world’s richest countries and has a diverse multicultural array of people living in economic and political federation together. Haiti is one of the world’s poorest countries. Canada should invite Haiti to become a province, equal to our other provinces. Haiti and Canada already share ties, and history.  It would ultimately …
" /> Jason Holborn | Cybercarnet/Weblog - Haiti: An eleventh province

Haiti: An eleventh province

Canada is one of the world’s richest countries and has a diverse multicultural array of people living in economic and political federation together.

Haiti is one of the world’s poorest countries.

Canada should invite Haiti to become a province, equal to our other provinces.

Haiti and Canada already share ties, and history.  It would ultimately be up to Haiti to debate the pros and cons of joining Canada; here’s why Canadians should support this ludicrous and dangerous idea:

– Everybody dreams of a Caribbean coasted island where the shops all accept Canadian currency and one can drop in for a visit without Customs or passports or papers.  Haiti has beautiful country side to add to the Canada’s diverse landscape!  People can even move and live there, snow-free, if they’d prefer to live in a riskier, warmer climate.

– More expatriate Haitians live in Canada than in any other country!

– Canada’s first black Head of State, one of the most popular and beloved Governor-Generals ever, is an immigrant from Haiti.

– Canada loves to brag about abolishing slavery earlier than the US and being the terminal station on the Underground Railroad; Haiti is the world’s first black republic, founded by former slaves.  These two black histories would be powerful joined into a new, united chapter.

– Haiti is French!  Haiti joining Canada means Canada’s profile in the global francophonie expands.

– What better way to reassure fearful Quebec separatists that French is welcome and embraced in Canada?

– French Canada expands its population and federal voting block by over 9,000,000 persons; Quebec federalists have a tool to advance French influence within the federation.  French-Canadians have a vastly larger pool of talent to draw on for cool French Prime Ministers.

– What better way for English Canada to drive Quebec crazy than with a French-speaking province with a signature on the Constitution, expanding the diversity of Canadian-French?

– Haiti contains important historical landing grounds of one Christopher Columbus: native Canadians get to piss on soil Columbus trod upon while visiting their relatives and friends with their Canadian passports.

– New Canadians who find the cold absolutely shocking and depressing get a new potential home, or a conveniently accessible oasis of hotter climate to visit and replenish themselves in!

– Haiti suffers further economic devastation from massive deforestation which cause serious environmental problems; Canada is full of strong, professional, seasonal tree planters.  We can make their work annual for 2 or 3 years, and train and hire Haitians, to transform Haiti’s ravaged landscape to a restored function and grandeur and harmony all over again.

– Like most provinces in Canada, Haiti already contains many people who strongly resent Ottawa and hate it!

Or, what about Haiti *in* Canada?

It wouldn’t be easy.  Haiti has high levels of violent criminals, a poorly educated population, some of the world’s worst HIV/AIDS problems, and many Canadians would fear an influx of Haitians and possible resulting crime levels.  Yet, worthwhile things are often difficult to achieve.

I have been to Haiti; it was beautiful, sunny, and sobering in its poverty.  While in Cap Haitien, I visited an orphanage for deaf children, many of whom were not orphans at all, but abandoned by parents who could not bear the burden of a hearing impaired child, and also, a long-term care hospital for conditions which you don’t ever see in Canada.  Above all, I was struck by the idea that even an Albert Einstein or Thomas Edison or Steve Jobs or Abraham Lincoln born into these conditions wouldn’t be able to make it; even they would be too hamstrung by the terrible poverty around them.  Canada has a billion dollars to throw on a private G-20 party; Ontario has a billion dollars to “lose” on e-health files; Alberta has a billion dollars under a few mattresses.  We have so much freaking money we pay people to ANNUALLY redesign our money!  Sometimes, our quarters have a dozen different designs in one single year!  We have money and we have privileged knowledge about running an economy and free society which doesn’t impose or demand cultural values on or from people, and, provided Haiti had interest in and accepted such a proposal, we should share freely with our poorest neighbors the most handicapped by poverty.

I propose we invite Haiti to become a province under certain conditions we set.  They refuse or accept.  Our conditions, which Haiti may propose amendments or changes to, may include a decade or two decades of ‘territory’ or ‘protectorate’ or ‘jurisdiction’ status; during this period, Canada funds a massive venture, coordinated by Canadian and Haitian engineers and planners and politicians or leaders and citizens, combining joint know-how and ideas and brainstorms, to upgrade infrastructure, raise education standards, transform massive clearcut zones into forest, build hurricane- and earthquake-standard buildings, and invest in higher education with generous scholarships to students of proven talent and ability and interest.  If Haiti, with Canada’s support, meets the one- or two-decade benchmarks, then it becomes a province and its citizens get SIN cards and Passports and Canada Post buys a used cargo-plane.  The House of Commons gets a new serving of seats, and many new black MP’s.  Everyone in betwixt Victoria and Charlottetown gets the chance to visit and legally live in the Caribbean.  Multicultural Canada gets a new, and historically important, facet.  French Canada grows in relative power and numbers to English Canada, and Canada’s a stronger, cooler, neater, uniquer, concept and country, while Haiti becomes one of everybody’s favorite, most intriguing, and most historically fascinating provinces and destinations, with solid education and infrastructure and opportunity and employment, along with peace, order, and good government.

Haiti may say No; their future is their decision.  I propose to you that we offer them an extra option for the future.