The local film co-op’s ‘screenwriter’s circle’ unanimously absolutely hated this script as ‘unfilmable’ and lacking any structured story It really ruffled feathers… one guy even refused to discuss it at all, refusing to say a single word Honestly I was a bit surprised how upset some people were. It got zero positive comments (except one …
" /> Jason Holborn | Cybercarnet/Weblog - GOLDFISH: Save The Cat

GOLDFISH: Save The Cat

The local film co-op’s ‘screenwriter’s circle’ unanimously absolutely hated this script as ‘unfilmable’ and lacking any structured story

It really ruffled feathers… one guy even refused to discuss it at all, refusing to say a single word

Honestly I was a bit surprised how upset some people were.

It got zero positive comments (except one guy loved the bit where Jack watches the dog on the lawn, sipping coffee)

 

I dunno.  Maybe I’m crazy.

I think it’s totally filmable and low-budget and the story moves me

Working with an actor to create this excites me

 

They even asked if I’d ever heard of a book called “Save The Cat

Overall they thought from the script that I was ‘special’ and could benefit from reading a few screenplays

Yet, I think it’s classic Save The Cat

 

(ORPHAN)

Opening Image: Jack inside the apartment, gazing lost/transfixed out the window at the exterior world outside

 

Theme Stated: “Hello?”

A mentally active/smart yet mentally incapacitated man attempts to engage with and participate in the world around him

 

Catalyst: Jack marks the goldfish bowl with a finger-mark in the grime

 

Debate: Back and over the bowl, finally removing the fish

In ejecting the black cat, Jack unwittingly removes the Wooden Dowel from the rail

 

Break to 2: The Dog escapes. 

New World is “Jack has no clue that he has just let his woman down”

New World is: Dog is out, against Jack’s specific instructions

 

(WANDERER)

Fun & Games:

-Jack watches the dog outside with a smile

-Jack sweeps and mops

-Jack slowly pieces together the remaining clues, to his surprise and consternation (Intelligence 8.7, Memory 0.4, Commitment 10.0 —- iow Mr. Snyder’s Promise of the Premise)

 

Midpoint – Jack embarks on the journey

 

Bad Guys:

– but, Jack has no idea what he’s doing out here

– the Dog runs rampant around the ‘hood, eventually the lake

(WARRIOR)

-Kelly lures Jack home

-He is Lancelot to her advances

 

Dark Night of the Soul: Kelly proves to Jack’s understanding that he is mentally incapacitated, even a burden…

– he looks at fear & at his weakness/handicap

 

Break To 3:

Jack and the Dog re-unite at the Wind Tower; the Dog recognizes Jack and trails him to the lake

 

Finale:

Jack realizes the Dog is Sarah’s; Jack CHASES the Dog

 

(MARTYR)

Climax:

Jack puts the Leash on the Dog and solves the ‘Mystery’

And in doing so, realizes that something is seriously wrong with him — but he faces and accepts the fear and mystery, and accepts the Dog as his own

 

Closing Image:

Jack and Sarah make out as the Dog watches

 

I admit it’s ‘unusual’ (ie. “low-budget”) but I also think it’s pretty textbook

The Break to 3, for example, is gentle… it’s not a gunfight or baby’s death or etc.  But it’s a re-uniting of the principals in a new way, etc

 

It’s also Story Wheel: Orphan Wanderer Warrior Martyr

 

The chase scene is hard to film.  Very.  I know it.

 

I think I’d shoot this on old iPhone 4’s from craigslist if it meant saving enough money for a great sound design

I want to make this

I accept that not everyone will or can like everything, and it is not my intention to arrogantly dismiss criticism, yet I do beleive that there is an absorbing compelling story herein.  I do.